Pushing vs Pulling Women July 23, 2008

At my very conservative Christian College I was frequently confronted by my professors and classmates subscribing gospel truth to things that I fundamentally disagreed with. This was true in regards to the war, choice, gay marriage, legislating morality in general, tax policy, etc. It was also true in regards to how women were discussed. I still will never forget the day I was sitting in a classroom of 28 women and 2 men and the professor asked if any of us identified ourselves as feminists. My hand shot up, confident that at least a few of my classmates would join me.

I was the only one.

I proceeded to spend the rest of the class defending myself, arguing about why women wanting to join the PGA tour wasn’t tantamount to the apocalypse. Awesome.

But, I had another experience in my classes there that was slightly more academic. My professor presented this infamous 2003 Lisa Belkin piece in the New York Times “The Opt Out Revolution” that chronicles these very successful, intelligent accomplished women who are choosing to stay home once they have children. I cannot even begin to describe the glee of my Republican professor as he presented her arguments, stating this is the “first and only time” the New York Times got something right.

Something about this argument did not sit well with me. Sure, for these white, overly educated women maybe they did want to stay home. But, surely this isn’t a trend for all women. However, I don’t subscribe to the belief that it isn’t happening something many feminists said in response to Belkin’s article. It’s evident some women are deciding to stay home when they have children. However, is this because of the pull of mommyhood or is it because of the businesses pushing women out of the workforce?

Truthfully, I think it is probably both. For some women, I am sure they just want to be home with their children and are married to men who can support this ambition. However, I think that more often it is that the American workforce today has changed and management hasn’t. Traditional models of having someone work full fledged from their early 20’s , 60 hours a week without taking breaks, for 40 years just doesn’t fit with models for women (and some men) in todays culture.

Instead, we should be thinking of public policy solutions that will work with women to allow them to continue working and have a family. It does not have to be either/ or. But, for some reason we (and by we I am including many women) have allowed businesses to get away with intimidating us into quitting our jobs by forcing mothers to work long hours, guiling them to exit maternity leave early or not provide any realistic child care solutions.

There are lots of other interesting facets of this discussion. The most recent Times’ article on this subject seems to be switching the previous opt out stance by arguing that the economy is the reason that women are opting out. Not sure what to think about that, but I am sure that it is a contributing factor. What are you thoughts on this discussion?

Vacation all I ever wanted… July 22, 2008

I think the day that you get home from vacation is always the worst. You are tired, have to unpack and then get back into the pile of work that has been left for you while you are gone. If you are lucky, like I was today, then you will have to go in after flying for 9 hours because that is how much they can’t live without you. Awesome, thanks.

But, my trip was at least somewhat relaxing in the beginning. I went to Los Angeles, allowed my blackberries battery to die and turned off my phone for three days. It was amazing. I had no idea just how much my life was controlled by the technology until it was no longer there anymore. The experience made me realize that maybe I am not as much a fast-paced New Yorker as I thought I was. Sometimes the quiet and freedom is nice.

The weddings were fun, beautiful and always a challenge for me right now. But, I loved every minute. I loved seeing old friends and all of my family and there is nothing better than watching two people truly in love get married. What surprised me though was how at home and relaxed I felt when I got to Portland. There is something about flying in right next to a beautiful view of Mount Hood and then spending all day lazy at the Columbia River to make you realize just how awesome that state is. Sometimes I think I will end up there after all.

I have a lot of thinking to do this week, big career decisions to make. As soon as I landed I felt the weight of the decision but somehow I will solider on. If you think of me this week, send me positive thoughts if you can.

Marriage advice from MoDo and a Priest July 7, 2008

I have written here before about my love for Maureen Dowd and had to share her most recent column about marriage because it is wise even if it is not the typical sarcasm that makes me love her.

I am going to California next week for some much needed sunshine and relaxation but also because I have two weddings to attend. I went to a wedding last week and I will be in another wedding in October. It seems that love is in the air. Or, it might be that I am in my mid-20’s and that is what normal people my age are doing right now. I’ve never been “normal” despite my best attempts otherwise (see also, failed cheerleading career, track career, foray with sensible hair color, etc) and I see no need to start now.

But, I think that MoDo’s column is full of useful advice for wedded bliss. These are my two favorites:

Never marry a man who has no friends,” he starts. “This usually means that he will be incapable of the intimacy that marriage demands. I am always amazed at the number of men I have counseled who have no friends. Since, as the Hebrew Scriptures say, ‘Iron shapes iron and friend shapes friend,’ what are his friends like? What do your friends and family members think of him? Sometimes, your friends can’t render an impartial judgment because they are envious that you are beating them in the race to the altar. Envy beclouds judgment.

“Don’t marry a problem character thinking you will change him. He’s a heavy drinker, or some other kind of addict, but if he marries a good woman, he’ll settle down. People are the same after marriage as before, only more so.

Born on a Train July 4, 2008

I am currently in Connecticut with my brother, sister, and sister-in-law (hereafter known as my SIL). I had no idea just how much I needed to get out of New York until I got on the train and felt like I could breathe for the first time in weeks. As much as I love New York sometimes a girl needs to see some trees that aren’t in a park, breathe some air that doesn’t smell like trash/urine and not cram into a crowded subway car. I am planning on going on a long, country run and hiking today to celebrate America’s freedom.

But, a note about trains. I think the best thinking I have ever done has been on trains. It might be the peaceful noises of the train on the tracks, or the fact that you really have nothing to do but stare out the window but it is amazing. If I could I would take a train everywhere I go. Happy Fourth to you all!

Taking Gloria Gaynor’s Advice June 30, 2008

Last week was the most difficult week of my entire life. I need a stronger word than difficult to describe last week but I can’t think of one. Arduous? Murderous? Tortuous? All of the above I guess.

I had to move from Brooklyn to Manhattan, pass the budget as well as my second piece of legislation, host/execute two fundraisers for my boss, attend a wedding and get three cats to Los Angeles. All of this without a car and in 90 degree humidity. Awesome.

Moving anywhere is a unbelievable pain but moving in New York is like a whole different circle of hell. Not only was I moving to a different borough without a car, but I had to downsize from having essentially an apartment of my own to living in a 6 x 10 bedroom. Towards the end I was just throwing everything away. I still don’t really know all that I got rid of just that it was a lot. And, to make things even more awesome I moved to a 5th floor walk up which is possibly the worst thing ever when you are a tiny little woman moving with the help of your mother (who was an amazing help). On the plus side, I think my calves are going to be the best on the Upper East Side after living here only a few months.

Oh and then there was the cats. As if this couldn’t get any more complicated I had three little souls to care for. Let me tell you, after this experience I have one piece of advice for you. Don’t fly your cats across the country without you. Ever. It is ridiculously expensive, a much more onerous paperwork process and in the end you just worry about them the entire time. I had to go to the airport not once but twice because one of the papers wasn’t dated, then they almost didn’t let the cats fly because there was dried ice on the plane (which apparently kills pets). It was 5 am, this was my second trip there and I had been moving all weekend. I looked at the lady and said, nicely, the dry ice can go on the next flight. I think she could see I was about ready to burn the building down so she looked at me and said okay not a problem. Finally.

The good news is that work stuff went very well. The budget passed, my second law passed with only a few issues and over 100 people came to the fundraiser that I spent all month planning. I nearly killed myself to do it but somehow I got through it all. I really can’t express just how awful the whole experience was. It is so amazing to be done with it I feel like I need to give a public speech or something thanking the people who got me here. “I am eternally grateful to my mom, brother, sister and my friend Morgan who went above and beyond helping me move. I know I couldn’t have done it without them. A special thank you to the guy who makes awesome burritos around the corner from my apartment, man who drove me to the airport twice with three cats crying, the woman who bought my bed and whoever invented beer to help me recover from the experience.”

In Defense of Incumbents June 17, 2008

This morning as I was out on the street begging for signatures (in New York you have to collect signatures to get your name on the ballot. In case you were checking, we are not running for student body president) I was shocked when one guy stopped, said he was a registered democrat but refused to sign my petition because he was against “any incumbent” running for office.

Um? What? Surely I must have heard him incorrectly. Really? Any incumbent? He said yes, that he felt it was time for change and that meant everyone must go.

Alright. I think the message may have gone to the extreme in this guys head. I don’t understand people that think we should vote out anyone based solely on the fact that they have served before. I can understand voting out people who are corrupt elected officials, or basically any Republican but to uncritically vote out any previously elected person is just as ignorant as the people who pull the lever for anyone that has previously held office. In fact, I think it might be more dangerous.

Let me tell you why incumbents are important. It takes time to get stuff done. Like a lot. I think that this is a good thing. If legislation passed easily we would have a lot of really bad laws out there. It is good that elected officials have to learn the ropes and figure out how to work with their colleagues and coalition build to pass important bills. If we had all new elected officials every 4 years I guarantee you a lot of good governing would be at a standstill as everyone spends all their time in office figuring out the ropes. And, it is important to have those veteran Senators and Representatives who truly know their way around and can mentor the freshman. Recently, we have sadly had to consider the possibility that Ted Kennedy will no longer be a senator from Massachusetts. What would the senate (and the country) be like if we had voted him out after 4 years? I can bet it would be a worse place.

I think we need to have change in Washington. But, change doesn’t necessarily mean that everyone must go.

Moving on Up, to the East Side June 11, 2008

I found an apartment and roommates.

As most New Yorkers know, this is a feat that should be celebrated with gusto because of the absolutely horrific experience that is trying to find an apartment in New York. Couple that with the fact that I was looking in Manhattan, on the Upper East Side (in a specific geographic area of the East Side) and I make so little money that I don’t even qualify for affordable housing. Oh, but don’t worry, I easily work 70 hours a week to make up for that. Public service at its finest.

Its a three bedroom so I will be living with two girls from craigstlist (gasp) but I am not nervous about it (she says hoping she isn’t eating her words in a month). They seem like really cool, “normal” girls who in many ways meet the list of requirements. And, honestly, what else are we supposed to do? We live in a city that is too expensive to live on your own and its difficult to find friends that you want to live with and who are actively looking for a place. So we turn to the internet. If people can fall in love over the internet and have a long lasting relationship I figure I can find a roommate.

I realized the other day that this is the first time I will be living with “strangers” since my freshman year of college. I was very fortunate to find (read: stalk until she agreed to be my friend)an amazing roommate and best friend in college who I lived with (or around) until I went to Oxford and then she went and married this fool.

So, heres hoping my new roommates work out. My heart is breaking a bit at the thought of leaving Brooklyn because I seriously LOVE Brooklyn. Everyday when I get off the subway and hear the quiet and see the beautiful brownstones I can’t believe I actually live here. But, as a would be politico in her 20’s , I gotta go where the opportunities are. I just hope that the gamble pays off.

Wanted June 3, 2008

Normal, fun roommate or mates;

Must wear awesome clothing and be approx a size 2-3 (and be willing to share said clothing)
Must be cool enough to hang out sometimes but also have your own thing going on
Must be around my age or least act like it
Must drink coffee (must also not talk to me until I have coffee in morning)
Must be willing to go dancing with me sometimes
Must have cool thoughts about life and then share them with me
Must love to explore New York
Must have a laundry room in the building

Would be nice if likes included:
-eating indian food at least once a week
-listening to cool bands I haven’t heard of
-talking about politics but also can talk about other non-serious matters
-good television
-going to good concerts (for free!)
-eating italian ices
-vintage shopping
-exploring book stores for hours at a time, days even.

Strongly discourage girls that show off their coin slot, don’t drink beer because they claim it has less calories or Republicans from applying. If you are in the New York City area and fit these criteria contact me immediately.

DisneyYork May 28, 2008

Disclaimer: This post is not intended to discourage anyone from coming to visit me. Come and visit me. I need friends. We will do a lot of fun very “New York” things. I mean it.

It is an odd experience having people visit New York. For some reason New York has this mythical status that is usually reserved for Disneyland or unicorns. It’s as if it’s not a real place so everything that happens here is amazing and “so New York.” For example, I had friends come to town recently and our conversations would go something like this, “omg this is so New York, like I can’t believe I am eating a bagel right now! And was that an Amish person? Jewish you say?! Even better!”

The problem with this is that I actually live here, it is not a mythical place to me. So when people come to visit I always feel like we are treating my life as if it is just one big tourist destination. My life is just one big spectacle for their amusement. And, they always expect you to be an expert on everything in New York. For example, a conversation with my father when visited when like this:

He: Hey! That is a big building. Really big. Wow, look at the bigness. What building is that Caroline?
Me: I don’t know.
He: How can you not know? It is so big! And you live here right?
Me: …..

I also know it is completely ridiculous to say this (because I shouldn’t expect people to know this) but it is really annoying when visitors misuse terms about the city. For example, if we are in Brooklyn and you say “I really want to go downtown” this is confusing. I know you don’t want to go to downtown Brooklyn. I know you actually want to go to Times Square which isn’t downtown but in midtown Manhattan so please say that. Just say that. Because next time you say you want to go downtown I will take you to downtown Brooklyn and we can just look in awe at how gentrified it is becoming. And you won’t like it.

Arms and Legs Flying May 27, 2008

After working for 9 hours on memorial day (aren’t you an underpaid government employee you ask? yes. yes I am), I decided to come home and go on a run. But, it wasn’t just any run- for some reason it was the most amazing run known to humankind. It was the kind of run where you feel like you are in drugs, where you stretch out your arms in the air and run as fast as you can, until you feel like your legs are going to fall off. It is after all the only way to run. I basically looked like this:

fastt

Except add in me singing OUT LOUD while running. Yep. I didn’t even realize I was doing it until the song I was singing got the peoples attention around me. Yep. I sang “I Touch Myself” while running like a maniac. You are welcome Brooklyn. You are welcome.